Halloween! (part 1)

Yes kids, it's the first day of October, and I can no longer hold back my excitement for the coming holiday. Columbus Day! Just kidding. No, I mean the time for tricks and treats, scares and sweets, ghouls, ghost, goblins, witches, werewolves, warlocks, when you can be anyone or anything for a day, and strangers will give you candy for no good reason at all.

It's Halloween time, and I feel like starting out with a trip through the costumes of years past.

When I was a kid, my mom would make these amazing costumes for me. Unfortunately, I don't have pictures of me in all of them to share, but you'll have to imagine how amazingly awesome they all were.

In elementary school (in no particular order)I was:

Rainbow Brite (little girls and bright colors, stars, ponies, rainbows, this was a no brainer)

She-Rah (complete with the gold wristlets and matching spray painted shoes. I also had a great plastic sword to swat my fellow trick-or-treaters with)

Pippi Longstocking (I had long hair that I often wore in braids, so this made sense. Just took a coat hanger through my braids and a little smock dress)

Princess Leia (again, long hair, just twisted up into buns on the sides of my head. Unfortunately, I did not have the blaster.)

And the best costume of them all, the one that my friends would always want when they came over to play dress up, Sleeping Beauty. I can't begin to explain how beautiful this dress was, it was pink satin on top, and had rainbow lace down the skirt, with pink sheer fabric for the collar.

After that, I went through a long period of being various witches, always with the standard pointy hat, sometimes with random ragged black costume pieces thrown together, sometimes with a broom stick, usually with long, black, fake nails that would come off through the course of the night. In high school, I wore a black leather skirt and tight black top, my own make-shift version of the sexy witch costume, but with black lipstick and press-on nails nails.

By college, I'd moved on to embracing Halloween as an excuse to dress sexy. I was a genie, a school girl, a sexy devil, a vampire, and little red riding hood, each a couple of times. Once you are buying a costume, you might as well get multiple uses out of it.

Last year, I was Sookie Stackhouse, with the official Merlotte's tee shirt, from HBO. I didn't get a blond wig, though I considered it. I did buy True Blood from the HBO site as well, which is surprisingly delicious when mixed with vodka. I highly recommend.

This year, I have opted for a pirate/wench. I'm going for a slightly less skanky look. It's been fun dressing up as a fantasy, and it being Halloween, I'm still going for dress up as something I'll never really be costumes. Just maybe toning it down a little. After all, there is a whole new generation of 20-somethings out there skanking it up in their barely there costumes, and I don't think I want to be in comparison with them anymore.

Next time, we look at our favorite Halloween treats!

Facts about Pandas

Today I decided to write about one of my favorite topics: Pandas. After numerous elementary school reports about these endangered mammals, I feel like I have a certain amount of expertise to off. Also, I do want to plug the upcoming highly entertaining book, 100 Facts About Pandas.

Everyone knows that Giant Pandas are native to China, and live in several zoos around the world (including San Diego, National, and Atlanta). They eat bamboo (and the occasional bamboo rat), and are otherwise fairly sedentary.

There was a long ranging debate about how exactly to categorize them. Scientists weren't sure if they were actually bears, raccoons, or in a class of their own. Their cousins, the Red Pandas, bear a far greater resemblance to raccoons. But molecular research finally concluded that pandas are part of the Ursidae family, so yes, they are panda bears.

While in pop culture, there are plenty of jokes about how pandas won't breed to save their species, it's in fact incredibly difficult for them. Sometimes I just don't understand how nature works, keeping such cute creatures so rare. So the problem turns out to be that female pandas only ovulate once a year, and are only fertile for a few days around that time. So they have to be impregnated within a couple of days a year to even have a chance at conception. Can't help but thinking the human race would be better off with those odds.

So when a panda baby actual makes it into the world, they are super tiny pink hairless ball of cuteness, weighing only 3-5 ounces. Imagine being a big rolly-polly 250lb pandas mama, trying not to accidentally crush that thing. It's another couple of months before the baby opens its eyes, and longer before they can move on their own. But before long, they become the adorable little sneezing creatures you've come to know and love.

What else would you like to know about pandas? Here are some interesting bullet points for you:

• They spend up to 16 hours a day eating
• Unlike other bears, they do not hibernate
• April is Panda month
• Pandas' favorite color is green
• Pandas make various sounds, like barking, bleating, and honking. Always with impeccable grammar
• Pandas make snow angels and go sledding on their bellies for fun

And now an off color panda joke for anyone who enjoys that kind of thing. For everyone else, the usual one:

A Panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders a meal and eats it. After politely paying for his meal, he pulls out a gun and shoots it in the air. He immediately walks out the door.
"Why did you do that?" hollered the confused waitress.
Looking back over his shoulder the panda says "I'm a panda". "Look it up in the dictionary."
The waitress locates the dictionary on her bosses desk and searches for the definition of panda bear. Finding it she reads,
"Panda Bear - A large black and white bear like mammal native to the far east. Eats shoots and leaves."

Balance

It's a recognized phenomenon that when one aspect of your life falls into place, another falls apart. I believe Bridgette Jones said something like that actually. A little embarrassed to share a quote with her, but moving on.

Recently, my romantic life has started to blossom and become, well, existent. Beyond that, it's good, in an early on still anxious about everything and playing coy kind of way. This is a pleasant change of pace for me. I'm used to being a little bit more Daria loner or Debbie Downer than optimistic and hopeful and even a bit giggly. This is actual behavior that's been known to make me gag, and here I am, being all hand-holdy and stuff. Eek.

But not to worry, because the universe has been sure to keep me knocked down a few pegs. First, my bathroom sink sprung a leak. It wasn't a huge deal, it was the drain pipe, and I did a little DIY doctoring, and have managed to keep it from being a big or expensive problem.

And then my refrigerator stopped cooling. Instead, everything inside got hot and sweaty and smelly and disgusting. I had to throw out several big bags of Costco frozen foods, and everything else (except the vodka). The repair guy was able to come and fix the starter, but let me know that most likely the compressor would go soon too, and then it'd be cheaper to just buy a new fridge (but by no means cheap). Arg.

(BTW- thanks to the friend who was able to spend the afternoon in my apartment waiting for the repair guy, cause I couldn't take the time off work)

And then I took my car in for an oil change (yes, I live in NYC and don't have my car in the city, but out in the suburbs at my parents' house, and still use it whenever I leave Manhattan for a breath of fresh air). Turned out that in addition to just new oil, my car needed a new rear tire, and new brake pads. I was skeptical, but a second opinion turned up the same results, and brakes aren't something you can just wait on. Cha-ching.

I thought, okay, that's three things, I should be in the clear now, right? Ha, yeah right. Haven't you heard that Mercury is in Retrograde, you silly Gemini girl? Things aren't supposed to really straighten back out for another week or so. Just to be clear, I don't usually buy into this kind of stuff. I occasionally check my horoscope, I do a little of the sign compatibility checking with new crushes, but I don't think too much about planetary alignment and such. But check this out: "All machinery and things with moving parts--such as computers, VCRs, camera equipment, garbage disposals, and so forth, will reveal any weak links now."(AstrologyZone) Um, yeah, that does sound familiar.

What that meant for me was that my toilet stopped working. No joke, it's not clogged, I can't just like jiggle the handle. It will not flush. Water goes in, but nothing goes down. It's pretty gross, and grossly fragrant. What does a New Yorker do in this situation? Call her Super, of course. And then call again and leave another message. And then contact the Coop Board and inquire why the super won't return her phone calls. Finally, she just calls a plumber, who schedules an appointment for the night before the aforementioned romantic interest is coming to visit for the weekend.

So, as it happens, that appointment is tonight, and this is an ongoing drama. I am just hoping that the plumber can at least rig it to be workable for the weekend, and then if it ends up being a bigger fix, I can deal with that later.

Please send me happy thoughts! No more technical difficulties! This whole home owner thing isn't seeming so great just now. But the living alone and having a place to myself to invite a certain boy, that part is awfully nice.

Face/Off 2

I've been saving this one up, but I've known for a while that probably my greatest concept for a blockbuster film is Face/Off II -Captain Corelli's Cruise Control. Or Book of Bogus Secrets. Or 8mm Reloaded. Ok, this part could take time to sort out. But the point is, it will be awesome.

While it was perfectly entertaining in the original to watch Nick Cage and John Travolta try to act like each other, the illusion was somewhat ruined by Travolta's multitude of expressions.

I know, it's easy to write Nick off to basically this face, but allow me to be generous. He has a whole range of emotion out there. There is Happy:

Sad:

Confused:

Angry:

No idea where people got the idea that he can't emote.

On the other hand, there would be no better costar for this movie than Keanu Reeves. He too is given a hard time for his emotional range. But check out all of these different expressions in his repertoire. We have thoughtful:

Angry:

Happy:

and the now ubiquitous Sad Keanu:

Now, clearly it is going to really take everything these actors have to embody each other. There are so many little variations and minor movements to master.

Let us imagine the scene where they finally come face to face and want to take each others' face...off. (I so love that part).

Keanu: Whoa.

Cage: It's like looking in a mirror. Only... not.

Keanu: Dude. I know Kung Fu.

Cage: There's only two men I trust. One of 'em's me, and the other's not you.

Keanu: Okay, if you're really us, then what number are we thinking of?

Cage: Snake Eyes!

Keanu: F@%$ Me!

Cage: I'm a little tired, I'm a little wired, and I think I deserve a little appreciation!

Keanu: Vaya Con Dios.

It's actually a lot less violent than the original version. Maybe cause neither of them can figure out what's going on. Certainly not from facial cues. But I bet if we throw in a lot of things blowing up, perhaps a bus, maybe some gun toting cyborgs, some stolen cars, a treasure map, and a motorcycle, no one will even notice the blank faces.

i love the 90s

So I was a teenager in the 90s, I've spent far too many hours watching the VH1 series about the 80s and 90s, and I am writing some fiction set in the 90s. My mind is often back in that time of middle class supremacy and relative peace and prosperity. But this week it seems like everyone else has decided to join me back in my retro-revere.

First, I came across this article about how fashion trends from top TV shows and movies of the 90s are making a comeback. My So Called Life? Empire Records? Saved by the Bell? These are such formative parts of my adolescence, that most likely I am still taking some of my cues from these, if not dressing in plaid skirts and belly shirts all the time anymore (oh, but did I ever parade around the halls of my high school in them). I can admit it, I wanted to be Kelly Kopowski, having to choose between Slater and Zack, and of course ending up with Zack (after a hiatus during that awful Tori season that we all try to forget).

Also, it was a ritual for a while for a couple of my girl friends and I to watch Empire Records every weekend at a sleep over. I am pretty sure every line is still carved in my memory, where things like phone numbers and algebraic equations have been edged out. "Empire Records, open til midnight, this is Mark....Midnight!" Man am I glad to no longer work in retail.

And oh, My So Called Life. I bought the box set, so that I can relive that single season of glory. Finding new "cooler" friends, and letting go of the old ones; having a crush on a guy who doesn't know you exist, until suddenly he does, and you can't think straight, until your best friend hooks up with him instead; being sure your parents are hiding some ugly truth about themselves; wondering if everyone in the world is having sex but you. How are these not universal themes of high school? How did they cancel this show. I'll never really understand, but I'll always feel drawn back into being a self conscious teenager when I watch it.

And will always think of Jared Leto as Jordan Catalano.

So then today, Facebook alerted me to the petition for International 90210 day on Thursday, 9/2/10 (9-02-10). Aren't they clever...or bored. Now, I am always up for any event that means dressing up, and have thought about how I could transform myself a little more into Kelly Taylor or Donna Martin that day. But I can't quite see pulling off a mini-dress at work.

Of course, all of this came on the heels of the NYT article that Elaine Benes from Seinfeld is now a new fashion icon (even though she never was when the show was actually on). I'm not quite ready to jump on the flowered moomoo bandwagon.

The real question is, do I go dig the old flannel shirts and ripped jeans out of retirement at my parents' house, or just let other people play out this out to the inevitable backlash? I think I may have to let this pass, only dusting off my Doc Martins, because those never stop being awesome.

WerePanda activate

Sometimes the full moon affects me and brings out a bit of lunacy, I'll admit it. I completely believe that like the tides, the phases of the moon have an effect on people (who are after all about 60% water).

And being that I enjoy sci-fi/fantasy, I have given it enough thought to decide that obviously the animal I would turn into were I to become a Were is a werepanda. Naturally.

But for those in the know about Weres, their beast can come out not just from the pull of the moon, but also from extreme agitation. And let me say that I was on the verge of Hulk-ing out today, after reading a particularly unprofessional and rude email from a coworker.

I work in a sales department, and am responsible for making sure that the reps know what is going on with new releases, so that they can better sell them. Makes sense, yes? So the week before new releases come out, I send them pertinent information, including what advertising campaigns have been set up. I've been doing this for months, since this became a part of my position, I send a request to the various Ad/Promo departments for information, they send me what they have, the reps find out, and are able to sell.

Apparently this isn't as easy as it sounds for some people. Today I received a long disgruntled email stating that I should have been able to get this information for myself, (though it hasn't been discussed at any of our weekly meetings; yes, I do pay attention), and they don't have time to help me, so stop asking. Here is a direct quote, just to show that I am not exaggerating and becoming irrationally irritated:

“Please do not ask anyone in my department for this information unless you have exhausted all other avenues and have come up lacking. I'm sorry to have to say it so bluntly, but we do not have time to help you.”

So after I picked my jaw up, and brushed myself off (feeling the bristles of Panda fur rising to the surface, the desire to club someone with a bamboo pole growing stronger), I forwarded the email on to my boss, who may have the clout to verbally abuse this individual in return. I doubt my telling him that I'm at the end of the avenues, and therefore asking for information would provide me with a more helpful response.

What I do know for sure is that sending me the information I asked for would have been considerably faster and a better use of time that sending me a long email about how he doesn't have time to help me.

Distraction/ True Blood

Mentally, I am still on vacation. I just got back from ten days (not nearly enough) in Martha's Vineyard: beach, books, boogie boarding, bike riding, loBster...ok, I'm out of B things. But it was a great time, as always, with the extra bonus of a little summer romance thrown in.

So now I'm back at work, totally distracted and having a hard time actually remembering to do anything that I'm supposed to. Really, I'm lucky I didn't get run over by a bike on my way to work this morning, I had my music on and wasn't paying any attention to the hustle of the city.

So along with the loads of laundry I did last night, and instead of the grocery shopping or anything else useful I could have done, I caught up on the two episodes of True Blood that I missed while away. And I have to say, I'm not so sure about the ways that this season is deviating from the books. This is supposed to be when Sookie decides Bill is no good for her, after he lies and goes to Lorena, and then almost drains her while raping her in the trunk of a car. So they had a little bit of that on the show, and then they go off and have make-up sex. What about Alcide, the hot, good natured werewolf, who, yes, is a little pathetic in his obsessive feelings for Debbie (way more trailer trash in the show than in the books), but still would be worth having a little fun with. Come on, take a look and tell me you disagree.

But what it really comes down to is the fact that in this season, Eric is supposed to save her and arouse her interests. He is not supposed to provide distraction for a Vampire boy-toy (who kept getting in the way of all the good Eric nudity, may I add, so really just brought the staking on himself).

I do like Alan Ball's decision to keep Lafayette around, because he's awesome, and his new little romantic side plot is pretty cute. And the addition of Jessica doesn't bother me, though she seems kind of extraneous this season. But really, all of this Sam's family story I could do without. I don't care about his weird dog fighting mother and brother (who isn't even cute, so really, what's the point?).

And yes, from the books, I know what Sookie is and what this other world is, that Bill has absolutely no place in visiting, that was frustrating. I'm curious where this season is heading, and super excited for season 4, if it sticks pretty well to that book, which is my favorite in the series.

But back to vacation. I would happily trade in my TV and WiFi to go live full time on the island (of course they have those things, but my house there does not, which is fine by me). Of course, should a hot viking vampire attack me in the woods by my cabin, all the better ;-)